Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize