so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize