I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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