I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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