Where are you?
In a non slutty way
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
