Can i not drive my cunt home
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
