Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize