She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
