She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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