The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
