i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
