Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
