now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
