It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
