He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize