He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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