you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
