I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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