your thong is hanging out like whoa
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
