just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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