I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The power of my boobs compel you
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
