i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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