Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
