just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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