My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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