I cockslap morals
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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