If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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