I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
