Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
