you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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