you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
