Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I supernannyed him into submission
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
