Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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