just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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