I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
