Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
