I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
