We won't sleep together?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize