escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
