I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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