At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
