hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
