ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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