shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
