Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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