I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
