My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
