I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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