There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
