why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
