Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
