see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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