i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We don't watch enough power rangers
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
