My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
