dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
