standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My penis needs a shock collar
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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