you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize