Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
