I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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