I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
