I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
