Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I cut my penus on the lid.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
