I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
