I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
