Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is it because I queefed?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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