I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
