Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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