I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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